The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
