Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
