That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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