Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The Olympian is in my bed
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
