His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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