I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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