Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I AM VODKA MAN
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
