her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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