i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
