Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
