My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize