i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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