I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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