You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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