I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
