I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
