I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Couch. On fire.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
