i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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