I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
