and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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