I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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