I want you more than these girls want KFC
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
His hands were made for my vagina.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
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Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
What drink are we having for lunch?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
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My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
They are going to name an STD after you.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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