Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
