She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
