mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
