Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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