So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
