Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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