where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
