M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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