i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
