I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
