omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
