No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
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It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
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I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
we should paint friendship bongs
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