Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
