I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i will never coherently bang her
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
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I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
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You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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