# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
