Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
