New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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