My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
