Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
