Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Michael Bay diarrhea
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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