Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We talked him into tasing himself.
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It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
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I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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