If i come over, it means nothing
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
thus making me awesome and them whores
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
