real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
