omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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