My underwear smells like fireworks.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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