party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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