This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
