I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
