don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
