i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You don't make any sense
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