I'm drive I can fine osifer
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
