I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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