He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
