he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
