wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
