If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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