i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
