For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
