Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
