how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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